Boomer Homeowner Considering Banning Friends, Family From Spare Room Backed

It’s an age-old question: are there limits to hospitality?

A Reddit post has gone viral after a woman shared her frustrations with hosting multiple houseguests who didn’t seem to reciprocate her hospitality. Since the post was published, it has received 21,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments. Newsweek spoke to a psychotherapist about the original poster (OP)’s predicament, and how she can set boundaries moving forward.

The OP, who owns a house with a guest room, shared in the post that she felt taken advantage of after hosting four different guests over the past 10 days—none of whom brought anything or offered to help with the costs of their stay.

“I live in the center of a major city and am lucky enough to own a house with a ‘guest room.’ Normally, I’m pretty happy to have houseguests, but the past 10 days have been over-the-top,” she wrote. “Four different guests, all of whom asked if I could put them up.” She went on to explain the hospitality she provided, including changing bedding, preparing multiple meals per day and offering drinks.

“Not a single one of them arrived with even so much as a jar of jam,” she wrote.

One particularly frustrating incident involved a guest who promised to treat the group to dinner, but ultimately didn’t follow through.

“When I mentioned to one that I thought we’d order in some food one night, she said, ‘Great! My treat!’ And sat beside me while I looked through DoorDash. I asked her to choose what she wanted first, so I could be sure not to order something more expensive,” the OP wrote. “But it didn’t matter, because she didn’t pay. Never even mentioned it again.”

Despite the fact that her guests ranged in age and background, none seemed to acknowledge the unspoken rules of being a good houseguest.

Her outrage was echoed by people on Reddit—and they had some firm advice.

“Stop just letting people walk all over you,” one person wrote. “If you still want to offer the room to them, then offer the room and leave the rest up to them.”

“Are you like a doormat to your hotel?” another person asked. “Say no. Be coincidentally busy.”

An expert weighs in on boundaries

Jordan Conrad, a psychotherapist and founder of Madison Park Psychotherapy, weighed in on the issue—arguing that there is an unspoken social contract to being a houseguest.

“We know that, because being a houseguest makes you reliant on others and social contracts typically mediate these types of burdens,” he said. “We all know how hard it is to give up your space or rearrange your schedule to host houseguests, and people need to be alive to that when they stay over.”

He added that while being invited for dinner might be different, “it is not only polite to bring a token of your appreciation, but impolite if you don’t.”

To prevent a situation like the OP’s, Conrad said that hosts can set clear expectations early on.

“For instance, if you’re inviting someone to dinner you can say, ‘We’re thinking about making fish so if you could pick up some white wine on the way, that would be excellent,'” or if you are closer friends, ‘We’re making the salad and the entree, so you’re on dessert duty,'” he said.

Ultimately, he concluded that it’s important for hosts to set boundaries without guilt.

“If you are going to be busy or don’t want to show someone around your city, you can always say ‘Sure! I’d love to have you over. I’m going to be pretty busy, so you’ll have to explore the city on your own. I hope that’s ok,'” he said. “Or something to that effect.”

Newsweek reached out to u/checktheindex for comment via Reddit.