Child playing in toy shop or restaurant. Educational toys and role game for kids. Kindergarten or preschool play room. Toddler kid at day care playground. Grocery store or supermarket for children.
Let’s be honest, kids can be a…challenge.
But this is actually the worst thing that can happen to you at a restaurant.
The Kids Room.
So, some pizza place in Somerville had enough. They booted out a bunch of parents who were just letting their kids run wild like sugar-fueled raccoons. And honestly? I get it. Nothing ruins a meal like a gang of feral children screeching while their parents pretend not to see them climbing the furniture like Cirque du Soleil rejects.
But let’s talk about the real nightmare scenario. It’s not being asked to leave. It’s being sentenced to… the kids’ room.
Oh, you don’t know? You haven’t lived this particular horror? Let me paint you a picture.
You walk into a restaurant, feeling like Henry Hill in Goodfellas, all confident, ready for a nice meal, a little wine, maybe a sexy, dimly lit ambiance. Then the host takes one look at your party and BAM. You’re not going to the main dining room. You’re being led to another room – the Kids Room—athe lighting is different, it’s filled with families and there are more juice boxes being served than martinis.
Usually, this happens when you have a kid in tow. Because here’s the truth: we don’t actually like anyone’s kids but our own. Can we just admit that? I will smile, I will nod, but deep down, I want a hat that says Get Your Kid Away From Me.
And guess what? Other parents feel the same way about my kid! It’s mutual!
What’s worse is when they seat you with kids when you don’t even have one. I go out with my girlfriends, and we’re about to dissect Jessica’s cheating husband or discuss how so-and-so’s sister is hooking up with a married cop. There will be graphic discussions of lady bits. You do not want to seat us next to your six-year-old, whose Daredevil-like hearing will result in them asking, “Mommy, what’s a reverse cowgirl?”
And that, my friends, is when the restaurant asks you to leave.
So yeah, maybe getting kicked out is actually the better option. Because at least then, you get to leave on your own terms. Not trapped in The Kids Room, eating your cold pizza, regretting every choice that led you to this moment.
Lauren Beckham Falcone is the co-host of Bob & LBF in the Morning. Formerly an award-winning reporter and columnist for the Boston Herald, she credits her current success as a pop culture commentator to watching too much TV as a kid and scouring the internet too much as an adult. LBF is a regular contributor to NECN and is an honorary board member at the Massachusetts Down Syndrome Congress. Lauren lives in Canton with her husband Dave and her daughter Lucy. Lauren writes about trending topics, New England destinations, and seasonal DIY.
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